Sep 17, 2014



I promised myself to start posting again if I get the chance to study overseas, at least I can practice myself to write better, and alhamdulillah I did. Accounting and Finance degree student in Cardiff Uni in 2 days. Yikes!

When I was in primary I never thought I would do well in UPSR and make it to secondary. When I was in secondary I never thought I would do well in SPM and make it to college. When I was in college I never thought I would do, not so well but lulus lah, in my A Level and make it to university. So now, I don't know if I will make it to graduation and get a job. But I think, we just have to do our best and believe in His plan.

Abah always said to me, remember these 3 things, 1. Usaha 2. Doa 3. Tawakkal. We do our best, try our hardest, all out, in anything we do. We pray to Allah, ask him to ease everything. And let Him to the rest, tawakkal.

Thank you Allah, for giving me a chance to go to a new place, a new world, a new beginning. May You ease this journey for me, inshaaAllah.

Apr 7, 2014

Durham, oh Cardiff.

I haven't choose the firm choice for my university. I'm torn between Cardiff and Durham *tarik rambut*

Just now, a Malaysian student from Sheffield Uni called me, asking if I have any enquiries on the application or the university. Durham offered BA, Cardiff offered Bsc. So I asked her about BA and BSc, and her response made me even more torn between the two. There isn't much difference really. What matters is the quality of the degree. She said Bsc is quite rigid, in terms of modules and subjects, like we have to take certain modules whilst BA's course is more flexible. She also mentioned a few other advantages studying in Sheffield, but that's not what I'm interested in. Haha.

What I'm trying to say is, I thought Cardiff's Bsc degree is better and Durham's BA degree is not that favourable among companies. And my parents discourage me from going to Durham cause there'll be less Malaysian. I know it is quite risky, but I want to challenge myself, I HAVE to challenge myself. Don't you think? I should try living where there are less people I can count on, people I know I can speak Malay with, so I can be more independent. But that cannot be the only reason.

Hati kata nak Durham for no solid reason, adakah ini hidayah? Kena istikharah jugak ni kisah dia.

Haih, now how? *angkat bahu dan kening*

Mar 20, 2014


Since you don't want me to contact you anymore, so I post this here cause I know you still read this lame blog, kan? I've already known about this present like, a month ago. But I didn't expect you to give it to me (Whatthefudge dia dah beli kot, dia bagi lah -__-") The shoes are a beauty and the portrait is damn nice. Thanks. Uhh I'm out of words. But just, thanks. Kelly and Acad. I appreciate them, a lot.

P/S: You do know that my feet is like, super huge right?

Mar 19, 2014


For the first two semesters, I lived in this room with a stranger. We didn't spend time talking, sharing, laughing, joking around. Buat hal masing masing, as people used to say it. But who would have thought, that stranger turned out to be one of your closest pal, the one you share your secrets and problems with, a roommate. Thanks Ijaty for this advance birthday wish :)

Boleh kencing manis aku cenggini.

Mar 18, 2014

Selamat malam, kawan.

Dalam aku hendak pejamkan mata
tiba tiba muncul satu rasa
aku rindu dia
kawan yang dulu nya sentiasa ada
sekarang hilang entah ke mana

Bukan aku nak kita bercinta lagi
bukan aku nak perasaan itu kembali
cuma sampai bila hendak begini
sampai bila kita nak terus membenci
menyimpan dendam, tidak bercakap sama sendiri

Kau kawan paling istimewa
paling setia, paling baik di dunia
cuma Allah ada rancangan lebih baik buat kita
sebab itu kita tidak bersama
tak apa
aku doakan kau sampai bila bila :)

Bapak random nya -__-

Feb 23, 2014


It was a complete turnover.
Tolong lah jangan macam ni.
I will never go back.
I don't want to go back.
Everything involving you reminds me of the stupid decision I made and the result of it. Yeay accident -__-
I've tried my best to make you hate me,
cause it'll be easier than explaining things
that I know, you'll never accept.
But no, it is not your fault. Aku salah. Aku yang tak fikir bebetul. Aku tak nak buat salah yang sama lagi.
Let go of the freakin' past, stop complaining,
stop questioning, cause no one is gonna answer them.
Stop asking my friends too, cause they don't know anything either.

Aku selalu question macamane someone boleh cepat gila get over dia punya ex and jumpa orang baru. Aku dah faham dah.
Aku jahat gila kan? Aku tau.

Jan 28, 2014

Pencarian Penemuan by Wani Ardy.

I am not I die hard fan of her, but her catatan and puisi can somehow relate to me and my surroundings.

"Kalau kita yakin kita betul
dan kita mencari sifat-sifat jelik
pada dia yang kita percaya salah
kita akan jumpa.

Kita akan jumpa semuanya kerana kita
(extract from Pencarian Penemuan)

Setelah 3 semester tinggal serumah, 2 semester duduk sebilik, tiba tiba kau nak point out segala flaws yang selama ni kau tak pernah tegur apa pun. Kalau kau rimas dia jenis pusher, okay lah aku boleh terima (aku pun rasa semak kadang kadang). Tapi setakat lantai basah air menjejes lepas mandi, itu tak jadi masalah aku rasa. Sebab kau dengan dia dah lama sama sama. Elok elok kawan, tiba tiba tinggal sebab dia keluar bilik air basah lantai? Kalau kau nak tegur, dari semester 1 kau boleh tegur, "Aku tak suka lah air menitik ni, basah lantai. Kang jatuh, macamana?" Boleh je cakap elok elok, dari kau terus ignore dia macam dia patung dalam bilik tu. Haih... Stress pula lah aku dengar cerita pasal kau ni. Alasan yang kau guna sebagai jawapan kenapa tak nak bercakap dengan dia, bagi aku merepek nak mampus. Kau sengaja carigali salah dia, masalah dalaman kau lah apa lah, sebab kau nak tolak dia. Kalau kau betul betul ikhlas berkawan, semua tu boleh tolak ke tepi. Masing masing betulkan salah masing masing. Harmoni gitu idok? Ini semua pendapat aku lah. Aku mungkin tak rasa apa yang kau rasa, tapi aku rasa you should at least try to be a friend rather than a selfish jerk.

Nasib lah dia yang sebilik dengan kau. Kalau aku? Haha. Elak perang dunia je. Kita duduk serumah sebilik, pandai pandai bawa diri lah kak. Bilik tu bukan kau punya sorang, semua peraturan kau nak buat. Kongsi, sama sama give and take lah.

Kalau kita dah tak boleh ubah orang, korban sikit ubah cara kita terima dia. InshaaAllah, hidup akan lebih ceria dan bermakna.

Jan 26, 2014

Fucked up.

What the hell, Syikin? I thought we're the good guy here.

We are. But... maybe I'm just learning from experience?

Apparently, doing the same thing that HAHA did to you doesn't make you any better than him. Sama teruk je. Like seriously, what the hell?!

Yeah. This is not how things supposed to end. You are still stalking like a professional spy, still getting jealous and stuff. You are still waiting. You are still hoping that he'd suddenly text saying he's in front of Akasia. You just can't freakin' move on, woman!

And suddenly you are blocking him on Twitter, like he's the one stalking you. YOU STILL HAVE HIS TWEETS COLUMN ON TWEETDECK! God!

Get a grip. Unblock. Start over. Stay calm. Move the freakin' on.
Menangis bertahun pun tak ada function.

Jan 21, 2014


I've asked everyone, can a dumper and a dumpee stay friends after a break up? Well some say can, some say cannot. It actually depends on how the dumpee accept the fact that he/she just got dumped. Apparently, it was different for this story. The dumpee turned out alright. So who's struggling? The dumper.
Forever you'll be a dear friend of mine. - Ckin
I've tried putting my walls up high, boosting my ego, ignoring the sad feeling of losing something, it didn't work though. (Seminggu pun tak lepas) But it is time to move on. Sorry for all the trouble. I was a stupid-selfish-thickheaded-moron. I asked you to stop, but I'm the one berat hati to let go. Haha. Bodoh gila. 
"Aku tau dan faham sangat yang kau sedang tersepit di antara aku dan family kau."
Thank you for so much man. Thank you for understanding. You taught me how to appreciate people, how to work on my own, how to love, how to... Nahh I can never able to list everything down. Just, thank you. 

Well, I didn't get to pesan anything. So here goes, don't you ever try smoking. That's what I like about you, so don't change that. (It's not that it matters, huh?) Be proud of yourself, I mean, stop saying that you're worthless and all 'cause you worth something. Be closer to mak ayah adik semua. They are all you have, tak ada diorang habis dah lah. Work hard. Goodluck. Ah words fail me. I'm glad we end this in a peaceful manner. I really hope that one day, once I got myself under control, we can be friends again? Start over or whatever. Haha. Okay. Maybe not. Whatever makes you comfortable. So yeah, I think that would be all.
Bye. Assalamualaikum.

Jan 20, 2014

The confused girl.

She has two friends. Both needing her attention, wanting her time.
She is stuck in the middle, feeling guilty for both sides.
She kills her two friends.

She is seriously confused.

The end.


Jan 17, 2014

Hey 2014, howwa you doin?

Tahun baru ni, tak ada resolutions best best ke?

Ada kot. First sekali, let go of the freakin past. Tak function meratap.
Friends, appreciate them. Diorang ada life jugak.
Study sepuluh kali ganda lebih dari before, nak fly kan?
Enjoy life ! Jangan buat benda gila lagi [Tapi itu yang best (._. )].

Ah bosan, cliche je. Tidur lah.

Nov 10, 2013

Si macha manis. Haha

Dalam ganas nya, dalam Jawa nya,
dalam buncit nya, dalam hidung kembang nya,
dalam selekeh nya, dalam hidup Architecture huru hara nya,
dalam maki hamun mencarut nya,
dan dalam sengal nya...

Ada jugak manis dia. Awhh thanks Ca :)

Oct 20, 2013

Aku tak confident gila aku dapat masuk top 50 unis

Raihan posted this on our INTEC 2012/2014 wall:

To: Bebudak scholar JPA.

Korang, i just wanna share something.

Ramai antara kite tertanya2 abt our uni application. Thru UCAS, we need to enter 5 preferred unis, and in some courses, dlm top 50 world ikut THE tu pun tak cukup 5 unis right? For example, bebudak yg amik accounts. We only have 4 unis which are Manchester, LSE, Warwick and Edinburgh yg ada accounts.
So i recently called JPA and asked them whether or not we can apply other unis ie top 100 in THE or top account unis. And org tu cakap TAK BOLEH. Even IF were accepted in those unis, JPA will not sponsor us.
She said even if uni yg ada course kite tu tak sampai 5 pon, we can only apply for those unis je. Maksudnye kalau ada 3 je, then apply 3 je.

Some of my friends ade yg cakap MABECS akan tolong la whtsoever but bear in mind, bukan MABECS yg sponsor kite. And some said if diorg dapat unis yg bukan top 50 tu, they wanna leave JPA and mohon MARA. So for those of you yg ade tpikir nak tukar MARA pulak (i dont know whether its possible or not), do tanyakn org MARA for us all will you? ^^

Thats all. Thanks

Pernah tak rasa bengang bila internet slow? Dia nak bagi tapi tak nak bagi banyak, nah ciput je. Lebih kurang ah ni :(

Sep 9, 2013

What is wrong with me?

All I want is attention. Someone who actually want to hear my stories.
Be interested in what I'm talking about.
Be impressed of what I can do.
If I can't get that attention from my friends,
can't I get a little bit of attention from you dear?
*heavy sigh*

Jul 19, 2013

Lesson for life.

Pernah idea gila paling tak masuk dek akal muncul dekat kepala? Kalau pernah, kau terus buat ke niat tu dibantutkan? Aku dah terlajak, aku buat. Bodoh gila babi.

Malam ni, minggu lepas, idea gila nak lari dari Shah Alam terjah otak. Tak pikir panjang, tak pikir orang yang aku sayang, aku nekad aku nak pergi Ipoh. Tapi aku tak bagitau orang. Aku pergi je. Sabtu, 1.45 petang.

"Buat benda bodoh, kau dapat balik pun bodoh." Aku accident. Jatuh motor masa nak gerak dari terminal bas ke rumah, masa tu hujan. Bibir bengkak, atas mulut calar sikit, pergelangan tangan kiri calar, atas tulang kering kiri koyak kulit, lebam sikit sikit. Tahniah lah pengalaman pertama accident. Motor pulak tu.

Aku tak expect la orang nak tolong, tapi rumah aku tumpang baik baik orangnya. Alhamdulillah. Aku takut nak balik. Aku takut nak berdepan dengan semua orang. Sah sah la orang akan tanya, aku nak jawab apa. Dah la pergi sana tak inform apa apa, naik motor yang memang sedia tahu bahaya, naik pulak dengan member lelaki, bulan Ramadhan lagi. Sangat sangat lah bukan Syikin Azmi yang pernah hidup 19 tahun yang lalu.

Tapi entah, for once aku nak rasa jadi macam orang lain. Aku tengok kawan aku dari Melaka pergi jenguk pakwe dekat KL. Kawan aku naik motor. Kawan aku naik bas sorang sorang. Kawan aku pergi sleep over rumah member. Kawan aku accident. "It sometimes feels good to be someone else. Memang la it is not something to be proud of, but at least you learn something from it." Jangan la nampak semua yang jadi tu negative je, ada jugak bagus dia.

Aku tak expect la balik balik haritu kena brainwash. Tapi at the same time aku tak expect orang akan tolong or support aku. Aku just tak nak orang risau lebih lebih, sebab sah sah ni semua salah aku. Kalau boleh aku just nak semua orang go on hari hari macam biasa. Lega jugak lepas tu diorang dah okay. And alhamdulillah jugak, ada yang still boleh nak buat lawak lawak pasal accident ni.

"Kawan tu dah la tengah sakit, pastu kau nak bash dia teruk teruk pasal dia buat salah. Kesian dia."

Menyesal? Mestilah. Tapi menyesal banyak banyak pun tak guna kan? So tak payah la nak sindir sindir kata apa yang aku buat ni salah. Memang aku dah sedia tahu ini salah, aku memang dah menyesal. Melekat je muka aku dekat jalan bertar area Meru tu, aku dah menyesal dah datang Ipoh. Tapi tak la sepenuhnya. Aku dapat kenal kawan baru. Aku dapat hilangkan kusut dengan kawan baik aku. Aku dapat la ketenangan seketika. Seketika je lah. Lepas tu balik Shah Alam huru hara balik.

Just promise to never ever do anything like that ever again.

Jul 14, 2013

Orang dah kata

"Nak lari seorang diri, ke manalah sangat nak pergi. Cari maut ada lah."

Aku dah cakap. Cari maut.
Memang maut pun kau cari.
Bodoh Syikin Azmi ni, bodoh.
Alhamdulillah boleh balik dalam one piece lagi.

Jul 13, 2013

Pukul 1

Aku nak juga merasa Ramadhan macam Fend rasa dalam Contengan Jalanan. Berisi. Penuh isi.

Nak cerita dekat orang, tak ada sesiapa ada masa nak dengar.
Nak tulis diary untuk diri sendiri, tak reti.
Nak lari seorang diri, ke manalah sangat nak pergi. Cari maut ada lah.
Maha Pencipta ada selama ni, kenapa kau tak cari?
Itu lah manusia, buta.

Apa merepek kau?

Jun 28, 2013

I'm the weird one, I know -.-"

Is it so weird that I miss my National Service experience? I know it had been like more than a year now since we finished PLKN but still, I miss it sometimes. It is not that I miss being scolded, dera macam anak tiri drama drama, figuratively tortured physically and mentally. I miss the experience. The environment. You know.

It's not everyday that you get to meet 400 new friends. It's not everyday that you get to fire an M16. It's not everyday that you get to explore the jungle, buat Wirajaya. It's not everyday that you get to learn unarmed combat, TTS, . It's not everyday that you get to go through Kembara Halangan. It's not everyday that you get to see humongous beetles and centipedes. It's not everyday that you got chased by monkeys (a.k.a Leman). It's not everyday that you are forced to rinse your face with smelly mossy pond water, with turtles in it. It's not everyday that you are punished just because you are late for 5 minutes, or because you forgot to bring your company's flag with you. It's not everyday that you get to go to National Service! Get what I mean, bradah?!

The responsibility we carried. The joy we shared with friends, with company members, with teachers. The bond we created. Kalau dah tak 'bond' sangat sekarang pun, at least masa dekat kem lekat lah juga. It is one heck of an experience. If you guys can't appreciate the experience just because you hate being outdoor and do stuffs, it's such a waste man. Such a waste.

My diary. Everything throughout that 2 and half month was written in here.

Jun 15, 2013

I still care

Ada kajian kata kalau airmata mula keluar dari mata kanan, itu airmata gembira.
Kalau mula keluar dari mata kiri, itu airmata kesedihan atau kepahitan.
Mungkin ada kebenarannya dalam kajian ni, sebab dari tadi memang mata kiri je yang leleh.

We are no longer what we were. But you are always a brother to me. My family.

As much as you are hurt, I hurt too. Tapi aku rasa better macam ni.

Jaga diri. Jangan tinggal solat. Jangan merokok.
Be that excellent architect macam Frank Lloyd Wright :')

Oh God, now I look like a zombie -.-"

May 20, 2013

Cici mabuk

It's 20th May 2013,

and happy birthday to the skinniest, most polite, plus naive girl I have ever met. Wheeeeeeee~~ *tiup horn* *ketuk gendang* *buat rain dance* *panggil sarkas* K melampau.

Sorry I can't be there to celebrate. Sorry that we all can't be there. Takpe, we'll celebrate first thing jejak Akasia this July :) Yeah? Wheeeeeeee~~ *tiup horn* *ketuk gendang* *buat rain dance* *panggil sarkas* K melampau. Again.

Though kita baru je kawan, setahun baru, but you are there for me. Not just for my happy, but you are also there for my sad. And I hope I've done the same to you. You've been so tough for 19 years. You've been through hard times and dilemmas, disappointments and pains. Yet you stay strong, you enjoy your life. You keep that smile, you push away all the pain. You are strong baby !

Haha apa aku merepek? Entah, I don't freakin know. Otak tengah biol, kepala pusing pusing. Anywho, anyway, anyhow, happy 19th birthday little cry baby. May Allah bless and ease all your pain. Strive for that effing bright future, strive for excellence. Hope that we'll stay friends, forever inshaaAllah. And may peace be upon you :) Hee~

Tak sabar nak plan post-birthday pranks untuk kau :)